Arguing is quite common when there’s a teenager in the house. When you’ve got a 15/16 year old trying to find their place in the world on your hands, there’s going to be a moment or two where you clash, and have different ideas about what they can do.
However, when these moments come, it’s important to try and keep the argument to a minimum, and try to have an open and healthy discussion instead. Of course, this is easier said than done, but it’s the best way to prove to your teen that you’re there for them, and that you still know what’s best. Here are our tips for keeping those explosive fights out of the house.
Stay Calm, Stay Honest
When you’re in an argument, how often do you jump to the worst case scenario when trying to prove a point? Maybe your teen is refusing to listen, or is just keeping on to try and rile you up, and this is the best way to make your case and get them to back down?
However, this can be one of the worst ways to prevent an argument from escalating when your teen comes to you with a problem, or if you catch them in a lie. You want to stay calm, to prevent yourself from getting too heated and saying something you don’t mean, and to also help reassure your teen, who is lashing out from a place of fear.
So, while you may have to explain to your teenager how bail bonds work, you probably won't have to go into detail over how much they won’t like a court sentence. You want to be honest and open with them, but without the negative emotion that drives an argument to the next scale.
Listen First, Talk Second
It’s also a good idea to prevent yourself from being the one to instigate an argument, or even be an active participant in one. Of course, you don’t just want to sit there and try to ignore your teen shouting at you - it’s not good for your role as a parent, and it’ll also make your teen feel like you just don’t care about any of their emotions, even to the extreme!
Take part in the argument, but don’t be the one to bring things up, or retort in extreme ways yourself. Listen to what your teen is trying to say to you, even if they’re shouting and seem very angry, and then respond to their concerns. Do this calmly, as we say above, and then listen again when your teen either listens to you, or tries another angle.
This’ll help the argument to be over faster, and it’ll also help your teen to dial things down, and help to self-soothe. If they see you’re not interested in an argument, and genuinely want to help, they’ll soon follow suit.
It doesn’t always have to be an argument; help your teen by resorting to discussions instead.
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